The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Jellaludin Rumi (translation by Coleman Barks)
Hello friend,
This month for me has been a lesson in acceptance.
Not in an earth shattering way, but in small moments throughout each
day that are slowly dripping into my consciousness.
Acceptance is essential in living life fully, but it is also a loaded word that
can bring up it’s opposite: resistance.
I invite you to pause for a moment here and check-in with the word
acceptance.
What does it mean to you?
Here are some things that often arise:
-Acceptance is passive and prohibits changing what we can.
-Acceptance is weak and all about giving in.
-Acceptance means not getting what you want.
I have grappled with all these same stories about acceptance within
myself. However, last year when I launched my online course and dove
deeper into what acceptance means, this is what I landed on.
I kept bumping into an idea about acceptance as receiving and
witnessing a gift.
Dictionary.com has it’s first definition of acceptance as:
“the act of receiving or taking what is offered”
This is how I’ve been exploring acceptance in my own life. It is a perfect
analogy for me because I struggle with acceptance the same way I
struggle to receive well-meaning gifts from friends and family.
Truth is, I am a terrible gift receiver. I receive gifts warily. I am notorious for
exchanging gifts with receipts or giving them away.
Over the years, I have learned how to assume the face of polite gracious
receiving, but underneath that facade there is a groan around another
thing I don’t need and didn’t ask for.
This is the same response I have towards accepting and receiving the
information around the “way things are”. I am wary, groaning, and
resistant. I often yell internally, “No thank you, I didn’t need or want this in
my life!”.
However, in both these scenarios, with physical gifts and with life’s gifts,
I’ve come to find that this approach brings less joy. Resistance only
increases suffering. It can bring relief in the short-term but never for the
long-haul because life will keep bringing things to our doorstep that we
didn’t ask for.
Plus, in all my resistance to what I receive, I miss out on any surprise or joy
in the act of receiving.
The surprise gift from a friend, no matter the content, also holds the power
to remind me of the connection and love we share. It opens up the
possibility for me to pause and connect with the preciousness of
friendship, the unique qualities this person brings to my life, and the care
and time they spent putting together a gift.
So I could wrap up this analogy and say that the events in our lives offer
the same opportunity.
I could be cliche and say that every dark cloud has a silver lining.
But I won’t, because to me it is only half true.
Life is hard and there aren’t always happy endings or grand triumphs of
the human spirit. Sometimes things are just painful.
While dark moments often hold important lessons and acceptance of life
as it is does generate less suffering, this isn’t the point of practicing
acceptance to me.
Ultimately, receiving our experience through acceptance is about opening
up to life. The gift is aliveness. Life is continually knocking at your door and
you can either choose to run from it hiding under the covers or you can
welcome it in and say hello.
This isn’t easy and doesn’t always feel fun, but it is true, real and ultimately
enlivening because you are open to the flow of life moving through you.
Accepting life just as it is, is a practice.
There isn’t a perfect state of acceptance and while I can see myself
growing in acceptance as I reframe and practice it in my life, I still grapple
with it daily. From accepting the weather outside, to my thought patterns,
to the suffering that appears in my news feed, I am learning to be alive
and notice the life that is being lived in each moment.
What a gift.
Below you’ll find the short practice that I often utilize when I’m grappling
with receiving life. I hope it serves you in moving through resistance and
unearthing the aliveness that is always available to us in every moment.
Here is to the gift of feeling alive!
❤ Jennifer
House of Belonging Exercise
So how do we notice resistance and turn towards acceptance when
life’s gifts arrive in our lives?
Here is a short practice in turning towards life as it is with a
welcoming heart:
Using the metaphor of a guest house from the Rumi poem above,
reflect on these questions:
What thought/emotion will you not allow in your house of
belonging?
(It helps to identify where you think you are falling short in your life
and then notice where you find resistance in your thoughts or
emotions. Alternatively, you can think about a positive attribute that
would be hard to receive a compliment around and see what
resistance comes up)
What does it feel like to experience that thought/emotion?—
describe it in bodily sensations and any other metaphors you
need.
(Where in your body does it live? If it were to show up at your “door”
what would it sound/look/smell like?)
What is the story/reason why you can’t let this thought/emotion
in?
(Reflect on what you would have to feel, experience, believe if this
emotion or thought was allowed?)
Is there a deep desired need at the root of why this thought/
emotion cannot BE?
(Think about universal needs such as belonging, love, safety. Often
when you touch into a deep need you will feel tender, raw, and
open.)
Take a moment to sit with that need—observe how precious it is
to you.
(Explore just being with the thought/emotion that you are working
with and noticing the “gift” of this precious need that you’ve
uncovered).
Notice if there is any action that is inspired by this reflection. If so,
write it down.
If not, know that allowing life to be lived within you is always
enough in and of itself.