“Your problem is how you are going to spend this one and precious
life you have been issued. Whether you’re going to spend it trying to
look good and creating the illusion that you have power over
circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find
out the truth about who you are.”
-Anne Lamott
In Bonnie Ware’s book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying she shares what
she learned from supporting people through the last 12 weeks of their lives.
The top regret that people shared was that they’d wished they had the
courage to live a life true to themselves and not the life others expected
of them.
Wow, right?
We all know this. That much of what we pursue and do in life might not be
what we “ultimately” want to pursue and do. However, we are great story
tellers and share stories like
“The time isn’t right”
“I have to do this because…”
“I have limited options”
“What if I make the wrong choices and end up even further away?”
“I might fail and that would feel awful, this dream is too important to
me”
“Others would reject/shame/judge me and I can’t handle that”
It is scary and hard to pursue a life true to yourself! Heck, it is hard to figure
out what living true to yourself even really means!
But I imagine that if you were presented with two clear paths.
- A life filled with the trials and challenges of figuring out what living
true to yourself meant and following through with it. - Or a life lived without facing those challenges but left with a regret
on your deathbed that you didn’t follow your heart.
Most (if not all) of us would choose the first path.
And even with this clarity, many of us don’t!
It’s because it isn’t easy.
It’s because it takes time to stop and reflect and get really real about
what matters.
It’s because it takes energy and space to turn away from the siren call of
those around us and look inward to find out what makes us tick.
And it’s because it takes courage and vulnerability to pursue our lives in
this way, when others might not approve, understand, or like it.
So if you haven’t been living a life that feels true to yourself, do yourself a
favor and be kind to yourself in this moment.
Here is where the firm but kind presence of self-compassion plays a
keystone role.
It is hard enough to pursue a life being true to ourselves. Then add in all
the time we try to be true but still get lost and fail.
It is essential that as we pursue a life that lights us up and offers the best
of us to the world that we are on our own side along the way.
I can’t imagine that on my death bed I will regret being kind and
compassionate to myself
I cannot even fathom the opposite, that I would wish that I had been
harder and more critical with myself!
This week I offer you this opportunity to reflect. Take a moment as you
read the following questions and think about them with honesty and
kindness.
Have you been living a life true to your values, your deepest
aspirations, and what brings you alive?
Do you know what those things are?
Are you willing to be kind to yourself and have your own back as you
continue to figure it out?
Often, this is work not meant to be done alone! It can feel overwhelming to
navigate these big questions and the practical “how to” side of things.
Coaching offers this space. Coaches guide us to the right questions, help
us look at our demons, reframe the fears, and offer perspectives that steer
us in the direction of regret-free living.
I also happen to help people know and learn how to be their own best
friend along the way. (Living a life without regrets is much easier when we
have our own backs!)
Imagine being faced with important decisions (like where to move, what
job to take, how to handle your health) and confidently choose because
you’ve got an inner compass that guides you.
Imagine knowing what the right thing for you to do is and just doing it
without the endless back and forth, doubt, and worry because you trust
yourself to make the right decisions.
Imagine climbing into bed each night with an imense sense of
satisfaction and security knowing that you are indeed pursing a life that is
filled with purpose and truly lights you up.
If you haven’t taken me up on my offer of a free coaching call, please
click on the button below to schedule a session. I’d love to support you in
separating out the essential from the noise and knowing how to be your
own best friend through it all.
❤ Jennifer