Author: jennifererwin

Hello friend,
Happy June!
I’m checking in a little more frequently this month to share what I’ve been
grappling with and thoughts on my mind and heart.
Each week I’m going to reflect on something that I’ve been reading
and learning about and share an easy practice to go along with it.
I’m also launching several opportunities to connect with me more deeply
whether through coaching, worshops, or online through my new teacher
profile on Insight Timer!

I hope this serves you and offers a moment to pause and reflect each
week as well!
With Care,
❤ Jennifer

On My Mind…

This week I’ve been “chewing on” the idea of boundaries. I recently listened to
Nedra Glover Tawwab in an interview about post-pandemic boundaries and
how to navigate the new landscape. I also picked up her book, Set Boundaries,
Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself.
I appreciate her simple definition of what a boundary is.
“Boundaries are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and
comfortable in your relationships.”
This week I’ve been exploring why I set (or don’t set) boundaries and it is both
alarming and facinating how much I struggle with this in some areas.
The biggest reason that most people, including myself, don’t set boundaries is
because of a fear of discomfort. It can feel uncomfortable and vulnerable to
state what we want or need in a relationship. However, when we don’t set clear
boundaries we sign up for a different kind of pain.
In the book, Tawwab quotes Brene Brown sharing that boundaries are about,
“choosing discomfort over resentment.”
I recently connected with my sister about my comfort level in playdates with our
kids indoors. Her boundary was that she felt comfortable with it and I did not.
While there was no lack of respect between us in that interaction, it still left me
feeling raw and worried about the state of our relationship. I had fearful
thoughts like, “Will she be less likely to want to hang out now?” “Does she think
I’m judging her?” and even had thoughts about my boundary like, “Should I
reconsider this? Am I being inflexible?”
As a culture, we aren’t great about promoting awareness of our feelings and
needs and even less great about knowing how to share them with others in
productive and clear ways. Especially as women, we are taught both explicitly
and implicitly that our boundaries should be flexible and adapt to those around
us. If we have strong boundaries we are seen as cold, or lack understanding.
So we are up against a lot as we tackle the issue of boundaries. My biggest tool
first and foremost is compassionate self awareness. I need to witness my own
understandable feelings and recognize the beauiful needs underneath them
before I can share a boundary with someone with respect and clarity.
Being deeply connected to your feelings and needs with care also allows you to
stay grounded when others test or push back against those boundaries. Lastly
being self-compassionate helps us remember that we (like all others) are
worthy of having boundaries. If I can remember and connect with the reality
of how often I honor the boundaries of others it opens up the possiblility that it
can be recipricated.

If we can learn how to set healthy boundaries that honor ourselves we actually
open ourselves up to more respectful, and rewarding relationships. I know my
relationship with my sister is better because I shared a boundary with her.
If instead I had simmered in resentment, believing I needed to follow what feels
comfortable for her, or avoided connecting with her for fear of talking about a
difference, I would have corroded the relationship instead of building up trust
and honesty.
It is hard to see this through the fog of discomfort but if we are willing to move
through it good things await on the other side.
This week I invite you to join me in exploring one area where you would like to
express your needs and share a boundary.
Below are some questions and thoughts to get you in the mindset of making
that boundary request.

Becoming Aware of Your Needs

1. Bring to mind a situation where you feel overwhelmed,
   resentful, or burned out.
2. Drop into your body and gently ask, “What are you feeling?”
3. Listen for the answer and reflect back with care, “I see you are
   feeling….”
4. Ask yourself, “What are you needing?”
5. Again listen for the answer, looking for needs that are
   universal (ie: love, belonging, security, freedom).
6. Honor this need by reflecting back to yourself, “Yes, I see that
   you have a need for…”
7. Once you feel connected to your feeling and need in this
   situation, brainstorm at least 3 ways that you could honor this
   need. These could be things that you ask of others or things
   that you request of yourself. Be sure to be specific, clear, and
   ensure that they are doable (by you or others). Examples of
   clear requests are:
   I need some time for myself. Would you be willing to watch
   the kids one night this week so I can do that?
   I am choosing to say no without apologizing to any extra work
   requests this week.
   I would like to be listened to. Would you be willing to listen to
   me share about my day over dinner without sharing any
   input?

“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this
primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or

minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

― Brené Brown

Have you ever had this experience?
You read or learn about something that seems like it will change your life
for the better (meditation, a new diet, an exercise regime, a journaling
practice, a new course) and you jump straight in and start to plan just
exactly how hard you will work to make this a reality in your life. You will be
super dedicated, totally on top of it. YOU WILL CONQUER THIS SKILL! You will
be the most devoted meditator. The “best” at following the new diet. You
will journal every single day without fail!
You imagine yourself as the new you. The avid meditator who calmly
responds to life (and everyone thinks is unflappable…because you are!).
The in-shape health guru who has boundless energy to do all the things in
her life without slowing down. Someone so in touch with her feelings that
she never gets angry at her partner (family, friends, kids, etc) again.
The energy of these fantasies of perfection can drive us forward initially,
but what I’ve found is that they always leave me sitting in the dust of my
wildest dreams, disappointed and wondering what is wrong with me.
The thing about fantasizing about massive change that will make you
“better” is that often we get trapped in the misled idea that we can
become someone who no longer suffers from being human. In these
fantasies about perfection, we are somehow superhuman and no longer
subject to the natural laws of humanity.
We might believe that…
We will stop feeling insecure
We will be immune to others opinions or judgments
We won’t get anxious making big changes
We won’t get sick and die from some challenging disease
So when we start on the challenging path of making positive changes in
our life and it turns out to be hard and isn’t really all that effective at
eliminating all the things we are running away from, we get discouraged!
The fantasy seems far away and unattainable (because it is!)

The hard truth is that we will always struggle because we are human. Our
brains are wired in such a way that we can’t escape our feelings or
thoughts long-term. Then there is the fact that we live in bodies that will
get sick, hurt, and eventually die.
So what’s the point? Where to go from here? How do we make positive
changes without the fantasy?

We work on acceptance and loving ourselves just as we are
(imperfect, messy, human).
We take actions that help us remember that we are capable at being
mindful, connected, and expansive enough to turn towards whatever
life (and our minds!) throw at us.
We shift our goal from perfection to reality. We realize that there is a
lot of life to be lived right here in each moment. We can stop
fantasizing about not ever suffering and learn instead how to lessen
all the “extra” suffering that we experience through the stories we tell
about the inevitable pain in life.
We take small, doable steps that move us toward what is important
and precious to us.
We are compassionate with ourselves when we get off track and
learn how to gently begin again.

This is no easy path and is often challenging. However, I have not found
another path forward towards a meaningful life.
The fantasy and ideas of a “perfect” future never get me what I really want.
How can we let go of being superhuman and revel in the delight that is
being fully human?
What most of us long for is a meaningful and well-lived life, full of
contribution, connection, and joy. This is only achieved by accepting the
messiness and imperfection in life, embracing it with an open heart, and
continuing to take small meaningful steps towards what is of value to us.
And I’ve found that this path is a lot more satisfying than the fantasy ever
was.

So take a deep breath the next time you are caught up in the illusion that
you can eliminate suffering with x, y, or z and become…perfect.
Pause and notice the sensations that accompany that vision and see if it
feels grounded in your body or if it is a desperate, seeking energy that is
untethered and endlessly running (like a hamster on a wheel).
If it is the later, place your hand over your heart and offer yourself
compassion for wanting to find a way to escape the suffering in life. This
too is very human! We all want to reduce our suffering and feel at peace.
Acknowledge that this fantasy is only adding to your pain and be willing to
drop it for now. Choose instead a small action that brings you closer to
what is truly important and into the present moment. Some examples are:
taking a few deep breaths
hugging someone you love
sitting still and loving yourself just as you are
taking a walk
calling a friend
creating something
finding something to be grateful for
… and let that be enough.
If this sounds daunting and you’d like help stepping off the hamster wheel
of over achieving and perfectionism, my Become Your Own Best Friend
course is open for one more week (doors close Sept 10, 2021)!
This is a unique opportunity to learn the exact steps you need to take to
stop letting your inner critic and your perfectionistic goals rule your life
and instead create a life that is full of meaning, joy and compassion. It is
also a chance to do this with personalized one on one support that may
never be offered again.
If you are interested, you can register at the link below or if you want to talk
with me first please book a 30 minute call with me and we can explore if
this is the right fit for you and your situation.
Book a free call: 30-minute Discovery Session
Wherever life finds you this week, may you remember and honor your
humanity…imperfect, messy, and glorious!

❤
Jennifer

Mom: “How was your

rst day of school?”

Me: “Good! But (with horror) Johnny did NOT sit on the line at circle
time”

-Me (at age 3)

It’s been a while since I wrote!
For the past 6 months I have been deep in learning mode and my newsletters
moved to the back burner.
But I’m back, and over the next few weeks I’ll be sharing what I’ve been up to
and the many (many) lessons I’ve gleaned from this time.
Lesson 1 : I can give myself permission
I’ve always been a “good girl”. A model student, often teachers pet. I raised my
hand when no one else would. I strove to follow the directions correctly and
thoroughly. I was an excellent rule follower (I always sat on the line!).
This year, I’m meditating and listening to the calm words of the teacher and as
they share the guidance for this weeks meditation, I’m struck by the continued
assurance that if the instructions aren’t what I need for today, to ask myself what
I do need, and go with that.
What? My brain is muddled. I don’t have to do what the teacher tells me to do?
Since the start of 2022, I’ve been training to become a mindful self-compassion
teacher. An ironically rigorous and time intensive venture that has forced me to
grow in so many ways.
One way I’ve grown is by giving myself permission to check in with myself
regularly and then allow myself to do what feels most kind.
While at

rst I felt anxious doing this, it has become extremely liberating.

Most of us are run by unconscious habits picked up from our childhood families,
culture, and education and don’t even know that we are following some
prescription of, “The way things have to be done.”
Here is one small example:
A woman in the online exercise program I use and love, wrote a post in the
forum about how liberating it was to see the main teacher record videos in her
jeans. It gave her the permission she needed to work out without changing into
“work out” clothes. And de

nitely helped her exercise more often.

Really we don’t have to follow all the things we “think we must or should”. And
most of the time, not following them doesn’t have the catastrophic
consequences that our minds tell us they would.
In fact, often giving ourselves permission to do something di
erent o
ers us

more nourishment and peace.
Here are a few ways I am giving myself permission that have made my life
better.
I’m giving myself permission to:
Slow down on days I don’t feel my best (without as much guilt).
Choose the meditation that I want to do each morning (instead of the one I
think I “should”).
Savor and enjoy food that I

nd delicious (even if it isn’t the healthiest).
Request time alone when I’m reaching my limit on interaction (honoring my
introvert nature).
Give myself the things I need in my business to feel centered and ful
lled,

which this year looked like:
Taking an intensive training
Allowing myself to get enveloped in a new community
Opening myself up to mentorship and feedback
Taking a break from writing newsletter emails
And now permission to write again (even after such a long break!)
This week, where could you give yourself permission to do the kind thing for
yourself?
Maybe to start, it is permission to pause and see what the kind thing is.

Then, it might be permission to trust yourself that you know what is kind.
Finally, permission to try it out and see how it goes.
Remember it doesn’t have to be big, and while it can feel like a small rebellion
inside, it is one small step in reclaiming your authentic power over your own life
and choices.
Sending you permission this week to do the kind thing.
Looking forward to sharing more soon,

❤
Jennifer

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi (translation by Coleman Barks)

Hello friend,
This month for me has been a lesson in acceptance.
Not in an earth shattering way, but in small moments throughout each
day that are slowly dripping into my consciousness.
Acceptance is essential in living life fully, but it is also a loaded word that
can bring up it’s opposite: resistance.
I invite you to pause for a moment here and check-in with the word
acceptance.
What does it mean to you?
Here are some things that often arise:
-Acceptance is passive and prohibits changing what we can.
-Acceptance is weak and all about giving in.
-Acceptance means not getting what you want.
I have grappled with all these same stories about acceptance within
myself. However, last year when I launched my online course and dove
deeper into what acceptance means, this is what I landed on.
I kept bumping into an idea about acceptance as receiving and
witnessing a gift.
Dictionary.com has it’s first definition of acceptance as:
“the act of receiving or taking what is offered”
This is how I’ve been exploring acceptance in my own life. It is a perfect
analogy for me because I struggle with acceptance the same way I
struggle to receive well-meaning gifts from friends and family.
Truth is, I am a terrible gift receiver. I receive gifts warily. I am notorious for
exchanging gifts with receipts or giving them away.
Over the years, I have learned how to assume the face of polite gracious
receiving, but underneath that facade there is a groan around another
thing I don’t need and didn’t ask for.

This is the same response I have towards accepting and receiving the
information around the “way things are”. I am wary, groaning, and
resistant. I often yell internally, “No thank you, I didn’t need or want this in
my life!”.
However, in both these scenarios, with physical gifts and with life’s gifts,
I’ve come to find that this approach brings less joy. Resistance only
increases suffering. It can bring relief in the short-term but never for the
long-haul because life will keep bringing things to our doorstep that we
didn’t ask for.
Plus, in all my resistance to what I receive, I miss out on any surprise or joy
in the act of receiving.
The surprise gift from a friend, no matter the content, also holds the power
to remind me of the connection and love we share. It opens up the
possibility for me to pause and connect with the preciousness of
friendship, the unique qualities this person brings to my life, and the care
and time they spent putting together a gift.
So I could wrap up this analogy and say that the events in our lives offer
the same opportunity.
I could be cliche and say that every dark cloud has a silver lining.
But I won’t, because to me it is only half true.
Life is hard and there aren’t always happy endings or grand triumphs of
the human spirit. Sometimes things are just painful.
While dark moments often hold important lessons and acceptance of life
as it is does generate less suffering, this isn’t the point of practicing
acceptance to me.
Ultimately, receiving our experience through acceptance is about opening
up to life. The gift is aliveness. Life is continually knocking at your door and
you can either choose to run from it hiding under the covers or you can
welcome it in and say hello.
This isn’t easy and doesn’t always feel fun, but it is true, real and ultimately
enlivening because you are open to the flow of life moving through you.
Accepting life just as it is, is a practice.

There isn’t a perfect state of acceptance and while I can see myself
growing in acceptance as I reframe and practice it in my life, I still grapple
with it daily. From accepting the weather outside, to my thought patterns,
to the suffering that appears in my news feed, I am learning to be alive
and notice the life that is being lived in each moment.
What a gift.
Below you’ll find the short practice that I often utilize when I’m grappling
with receiving life. I hope it serves you in moving through resistance and
unearthing the aliveness that is always available to us in every moment.
Here is to the gift of feeling alive!

❤ Jennifer

House of Belonging Exercise

So how do we notice resistance and turn towards acceptance when
life’s gifts arrive in our lives?
Here is a short practice in turning towards life as it is with a
welcoming heart:
Using the metaphor of a guest house from the Rumi poem above,
reflect on these questions:
What thought/emotion will you not allow in your house of
belonging?
(It helps to identify where you think you are falling short in your life
and then notice where you find resistance in your thoughts or
emotions. Alternatively, you can think about a positive attribute that
would be hard to receive a compliment around and see what
resistance comes up)
What does it feel like to experience that thought/emotion?—
describe it in bodily sensations and any other metaphors you
need.
(Where in your body does it live? If it were to show up at your “door”
what would it sound/look/smell like?)
What is the story/reason why you can’t let this thought/emotion
in?
(Reflect on what you would have to feel, experience, believe if this
emotion or thought was allowed?)

Is there a deep desired need at the root of why this thought/
emotion cannot BE?
(Think about universal needs such as belonging, love, safety. Often
when you touch into a deep need you will feel tender, raw, and
open.)
Take a moment to sit with that need—observe how precious it is
to you.
(Explore just being with the thought/emotion that you are working
with and noticing the “gift” of this precious need that you’ve
uncovered).
Notice if there is any action that is inspired by this reflection. If so,
write it down.
If not, know that allowing life to be lived within you is always
enough in and of itself.

Lesson 2:

Striving is often unnecessary and can slow my success

I didn’t know how to let it be easy for most of my life.
I’m an achiever and have embraced the idea of working hard for my success. I
have all sorts of imbibed beliefs about hard work and value.
Not to say that you can’t go far with striving to do good work. But we often make
more work than is necessary.
For years, I worked my butt o

to “become a better friend to myself”. I learned a
lot about myself along the way…but I also learned the harder I worked, the more
work I found to do.

At the heart of this was the belief that I wasn’t “enough”. So of course needed to
“work hard” at becoming a better version of myself in order to “become enough”.
This is a trap that many of us fall into. We believe that we aren’t okay as we are
and we need to strive to be better.
AND…
What I’ve found to be true is:
We are enough, just as we are
Striving to be enough blocks us from feeling like we are enough

The
rst time I heard the invitation to let my self-compassion practice be easy…
like slipping into a warm bath, I thought, “What the heck is that like?” and then
allowing the imagery to sink in thought, “ahhhhh”. Easy as exhaling.
What if the soft pleasure of giving yourself some kindness became a subtle but
in
nitely more powerful form of motivation than pushing yourself to “be more”?
What if the paradox of letting things be easy would allow you to work less at
being more? More loving, patient, happy… because you have the resources (that
previously were used to motivate yourself to work hard and power through) to
show up that way?
Life inherently holds hardship. This being human isn’t always easy.
However, by letting go of striving for striving sake we can de

nitely make life

easier!
So here are some examples of where I’m dropping the striving and let it be
easy (or easier 🙂
Allow myself short cuts with cooking.
When I’m bringing a meal to someone in need during a busy week, I
buy some (or all) of the meal premade. For years, I would get totally
stressed out (and miss the gift of giving) by expecting myself to
make everything by scratch.
Doing 15 minutes of exercise and letting it be enough.
When I
rst started my exercise program, it was a struggle to do “up,
up, down, downs” and I feared I’d never improve without hard work.
So I decided to add 10 of these to every workout. Yup…this lasted for

about a week and then totally got dropped. But I did keep up my 15
minutes of daily exercise. Two months later, I realized during a
workout that I no longer dreaded them and had become strong
without the addition practice.
Not over-preparing for presentations.
In my self-compassion teacher training we taught pieces of the
course to each other. However, we wouldn’t know what part of the
class we were going to lead, until the hour before class. I often had
calls before class and wouldn’t see what I needed to teach until 15
minutes before. I learned that even if I hadn’t “practiced enough”, if I
showed up with loving, connected, presence (even imperfectly) it
was more than enough. Presence always outperformed perfectly
practicing.

One way I let my self-compassion practice be easy is by joining a community to
learn.
Being in community accelerates our learning. It is in

nitely easier to show up
when you are accountable to a loving group and have structure to support your
practice.
I would not have grown so much this past year if I hadn’t been enveloped in a
loving, supportive community.
To that end, my fellow coach and self-compassion teacher Sarah Murphy and I
are o
ering the nine week Mindful Self-Compassion course this October. We are
thrilled to take all our training and o

er it out in the world, creating the space for

others to deepen their skills and experience of self-compassion.
I’ll share more about this in the coming weeks but the initial details are below.
This week I invite you to re

ect and imagine where you could let some part of

your life be easier…like slipping into that warm bath.

With Ease,

❤
Jennifer

“A need is life seeking expression within us.”
“If we don’t tell people about our needs it is much less likely they will
be met.”
-Marshal Rosenberg

Happy Fall!
Writing a short note to you today to request your help in spreading the word
about the 9 week self-compassion course I’m co-leading this October. I’d really
appreciate if you’d check out the website and if anything resonates consider
sharing it with those it could support.

Check it out HERE: Science of Self-Love: Mindful Self-Compasion Course

As you know, this work has been particularly empowering to me over the past
several years and I believe strongly that it can o

er needed support to those of

us who are…
people pleasers
over achievers
caretakers
and those of us that are much kinder to others than we are to ourselves.
I feel passionately that this work needs to get out into the world and have a
burning desire to be of service to those it can support.
However, I need help spreading the word. This feels vulnerable to name, but
one of the many lessons I’ve gleaned from learning to love myself is that it is
okay to ask for what you need.

Many of us (myself included) have a challenging relationship with our needs. The
word “need” in and of itself can be triggering.
Most of us have a strong desire to not be “needy” and add in a culture that
values independence, “making it on your own”, and the “lone hero narrative” and
you’ve got a recipe for a whole lot of people who don’t know, accept, or feel safe
asking for what they need.
When we don’t know how to greet and meet our needs, su

ering happens

collectively in big and small ways.
So I’m on a mission to embody and spread the idea of our needs being okay. It’s
okay to need what we need and to pursue meeting those needs (with kindness,
humility, and creativity).
Loving ourselves has to be the foundation for this mission. When we love and
accept ourselves unconditionally, we also trust that we can and will meet our
own needs.
This love and acceptance provides the safety needed to look deeply at our own
needs, be vulnerable when we’d like support in meeting them, and not take it
the wrong way when others aren’t able or willing to help us.
So from this place of love and acceptance my request is sent out to you today.
Here is the site again: Science of Self-Love: Mindful Self-Compasion Course
Please consider checking it out and sharing it with those who could bene
t.

Sending you o

in this new season with the invitation to consider where your

needs are going unmet lately.
Is there a need that you are denying?
Where could you drop more deeply into the idea that it is okay to need what you
need?
Because it truly is okay!
With gratitude,

❤
Jennifer

Has anyone told you lately that you are doing a good job?
Have you told yourself that?
In my coaching, I emphasize giving ourselves credit for all the good work
that we do each day.
This is an important thing to do when we are trying to live healthy lives full
of compassion and motivation.
However, it is one of the hardest things for many high-achieving women to
do.

It feels weird and awkward and doesn’t take into account the very real
evidence that we see that we are actually falling short in so many areas.
Whenever, I point out to my clients how many AMAZING things they
accomplish every week they often feel a little embarrassed or simply
shrug it off with “I guess…”
I totally get this because it is often what I do when others celebrate me.
This is not good!
Honoring all our hard work gives us strength to keep moving forward. It
gives us the perspective to see how far we’ve come and how amazing we
are so that we have the courage to keep trying new things. It also gives us
the blessed permission to sometimes STOP and take a break, knowing that
it is well-deserved (and likely overdue).
We definitely need to know how to give this to ourselves. To me this is an
often overlooked companion to self-compassion. We need to learn how to
sit with ourselves with love when we are suffering AND how to joyfully
celebrate and honor ourselves in our successes (big and small).
And at times we need someone else to lift us up and hand us a gold star.
We are not meant to live life in isolation and we need others to support us,
reflecting back our innate goodness and hard earned efforts.
We, of course, don’t want to become dependent on others to do this for us
without knowing how to offer it to ourselves…I’m not saying that we should
always be looking outward to others for affirmation of our efforts.
But it is okay to need it, to want it, and receive it from others.
Sometimes the external validation given from a outside compassionate
presence is exactly what we need to recover our own sense of how to
honor it ourselves.
So I’m handing you a gold star today for all you are doing, being, and are
becoming.
I know that you are truly doing a good job with the best you have to give.
I have absolute fath that you are being a good human today and are
doing incredible things that you forget to give yourself credit for.
Here are some things you might overlook but could take credit for:

Smiling at another person.
Feeding yourself some good food or drinking water.
Caring for another individual and offering them some love.
Pausing (even slightly) and responding rather than reacting.
Feeling empathy for another person.
Feeding your animals/children/partner. Watering plants.
Offering comfort to another being.
Making a mistake and making amends.
Trying something new and practicing courage.
The list could go on. I guarantee that if we were to chat that I could find
hundreds of things to celebrate you for (some ordinary and some quite
extraordinary!).
So go ahead, be brave accept this gold star! Acknowledge that you are
doing a good job!
By honoring this you are actually giving yourself energy and perspective to
keep growing and becoming the best version of yourself (which is really
always a work-in-progress).
Sending you a wealth of gold stars this week and the courage to truly
embrace the goodness that you bring to the world (just by you being
you!).

❤
Jennifer

*Do you know a woman who absolutely shows up for others, but is lost on
how to do that for herself? Please forward this email onto them. The world
needs all of us at our best and that means being kind to ourselves! Let’s
start a “LOVEVOLUTION”! *
;)❤❤❤ 😉

“Your problem is how you are going to spend this one and precious
life you have been issued. Whether you’re going to spend it trying to
look good and creating the illusion that you have power over
circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find

out the truth about who you are.”

-Anne Lamott

In Bonnie Ware’s book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying she shares what
she learned from supporting people through the last 12 weeks of their lives.
The top regret that people shared was that they’d wished they had the
courage to live a life true to themselves and not the life others expected
of them.

Wow, right?
We all know this. That much of what we pursue and do in life might not be
what we “ultimately” want to pursue and do. However, we are great story
tellers and share stories like
“The time isn’t right”
“I have to do this because…”
“I have limited options”
“What if I make the wrong choices and end up even further away?”
“I might fail and that would feel awful, this dream is too important to
me”
“Others would reject/shame/judge me and I can’t handle that”
It is scary and hard to pursue a life true to yourself! Heck, it is hard to figure
out what living true to yourself even really means!
But I imagine that if you were presented with two clear paths.

1. A life filled with the trials and challenges of figuring out what living
   true to yourself meant and following through with it.
2. Or a life lived without facing those challenges but left with a regret
   on your deathbed that you didn’t follow your heart.
   Most (if not all) of us would choose the first path.
   And even with this clarity, many of us don’t!
   It’s because it isn’t easy.
   It’s because it takes time to stop and reflect and get really real about
   what matters.
   It’s because it takes energy and space to turn away from the siren call of
   those around us and look inward to find out what makes us tick.
   And it’s because it takes courage and vulnerability to pursue our lives in
   this way, when others might not approve, understand, or like it.
   So if you haven’t been living a life that feels true to yourself, do yourself a
   favor and be kind to yourself in this moment.
   Here is where the firm but kind presence of self-compassion plays a
   keystone role.

It is hard enough to pursue a life being true to ourselves. Then add in all
the time we try to be true but still get lost and fail.
It is essential that as we pursue a life that lights us up and offers the best
of us to the world that we are on our own side along the way.
I can’t imagine that on my death bed I will regret being kind and
compassionate to myself
I cannot even fathom the opposite, that I would wish that I had been
harder and more critical with myself!
This week I offer you this opportunity to reflect. Take a moment as you
read the following questions and think about them with honesty and
kindness.
Have you been living a life true to your values, your deepest
aspirations, and what brings you alive?
Do you know what those things are?
Are you willing to be kind to yourself and have your own back as you
continue to figure it out?
Often, this is work not meant to be done alone! It can feel overwhelming to
navigate these big questions and the practical “how to” side of things.
Coaching offers this space. Coaches guide us to the right questions, help
us look at our demons, reframe the fears, and offer perspectives that steer
us in the direction of regret-free living.
I also happen to help people know and learn how to be their own best
friend along the way. (Living a life without regrets is much easier when we
have our own backs!)
Imagine being faced with important decisions (like where to move, what
job to take, how to handle your health) and confidently choose because
you’ve got an inner compass that guides you.
Imagine knowing what the right thing for you to do is and just doing it
without the endless back and forth, doubt, and worry because you trust
yourself to make the right decisions.
Imagine climbing into bed each night with an imense sense of
satisfaction and security knowing that you are indeed pursing a life that is
filled with purpose and truly lights you up.

If you haven’t taken me up on my offer of a free coaching call, please
click on the button below to schedule a session. I’d love to support you in
separating out the essential from the noise and knowing how to be your
own best friend through it all.

❤ Jennifer

“Unless you tackle and weaken your own internal enemies-we’ll call
them the Saboteurs–they will do their best to rob you of any
improvements you make. Ignoring your Saboteurs is analogous to
planting a beautiful new garden while leaving voracious snails free

to roam.”

-Shirzad Chamine: Positive Intelligence

Happy January!
It’s been awhile! I hope you are well 🙂

How are you feeling at the start of this new year?
Where are you with setting intentions, goals, habits for this fresh start?
It is almost cliche to speak about how most of us fail at following through
with our New Year’s resolutions! However, it is inevitable that many or most
of us who set resolutions (or goals, intentions) will end up floundering at
some point early on and don’t fully follow through.
This can be for a number of reasons:
Our goals are unreasonable
They don’t inspire us
We make vague ones that are hard to consistently take action on
but really….
The biggest reason why our New Year’s resolutions fail is because we don’t
take care of our inner critic first.
I have unequivocally seen in my own life and those in my clients that an
untamed inner critic will support you in setting unreasonable goals,
choosing “should” goals, and keeping those goals vague because this is a
recipe for not following through and losing steam.
Our crafty inner critic does this because it does not want us to change! It
wants us to keep doing what we’ve been doing, even if we aren’t feeling
so great or it would make our lives better to shake things up.
Your inner critic’s #1 aim is to keep you safe.
If you are alive and surviving right now it will assume that what you’ve
been doing in the past is what is best to keep doing.
It will fight tooth and nail to keep you where you are. Change puts you at
the mercy of the unknown and within the uncertainty of the unknown is the
possibility of danger.
So despite all your best efforts, if you aren’t on top of your inner critic, it will
constantly be in the background sabotaging your attempts at change.
No good!
My dear friend and talented yogi, writer, and happiness expert, Heather
Kokx asked me to write a guest blog post on this topic.

In the article, I break down exactly why everyone has an inner critic and
some concrete steps to start practicing so that your inner critic doesn’t
impede your success at becoming a happier YOU this year!
Read it here:
The #1 Thing to Master to Uncover Lasting Peace and Happiness
(heatherkokx.com)

Also, if you’d like a deeper dive on how to pull in the reins on your inner
critic, I’m part of an online Wellness Weekend hosted by two amazing
coaches Beth Eldridge and Marla Press.
On January 30th, I’ll be leading a workshop on exactly how to tame the
inner critic so that it is no longer standing in the way of your happiness
and success. We’ll dig into what specific practices and process help quiet
the negative inner chatter and how to awaken your inner compassionate
voice instead.
Learn more about my workshop –Tame Your Inner Critic– and the
Wellness Weekend here:
Creating Wellness Together: Keys to Wellness in Relationships, Work, and
Fun

Here is to a year with unimpeded progress towards your deepest desires
and most fulfilling life!

Cheers,
❤
Jennifer